Now, I love my relatives. I really do. I am one of those rare breeds that actually looks forward to Chinese New Year every year because I honestly look forward to catching up with my relatives.

See, no sarcasm at all.

But of course, there are always exceptions.

Over the weekend, some relatives came to my place to visit my granny. Now, I love my mom’s side of the family. More specifically, I love my mom’s dad’s side of the family. And I generally try to keep a healthy distance from my mom’s OTHER side of the family.

But they hound me. Of course, I am the big, fat daughter who is studying too much on something that is generally worthless and is going to embark on a generally useless career path.

It used to be, "Why you want to study (READ, dammit!) English? Can earn money meh?" (More than you’ll earn la ok)

Then it was "You are going to be a teacher? What for?" (To pick up twats of YOUR kids and hang them at the clothes rack behind each door of my house)

Over the weekend, "Wah, you are quite fat now hor?"

My reply (in Canto and a bright smile), "I’m leading a good life in Singapore! Hou sek hou zhu (with good food and good living!)"

"Food in Singapore good meh? Ipoh better!"

"Of course! That is why I have good food in both Singapore and Ipoh! (But of course, the furthest you’ve ever been is probably Chemor!)"

And I mutter under my breath - BITCH - smile saccharinely and rush off to the kitchen to get drinks for everyone.

And as I say, she HOUNDS.

In the kitchen, she is like, "Wah you really must keep fit already la! Can wear size L or not you?"

"No I can’t! In fact, I am going to get all my clothes tailor-made already!"

Of course she shut up at that.

As always, I complained to my mom about it. My very shrewd mom put it at this:

"Don’t waste your time with people with no knowledge."

I say so too.

This Chinese New Year, I am going to be prepared with more lines.